Day 114
Its so true Treepeo. Only one friend of mines smokes now - the one with the covid. I'm sure hes' fine for smokes cos he buys cartons from people who go abroad and bring them back. He has to go for another test Thursday to see if he's still positive. My other friend back home is in the process of giving them up. I asked him last night how it was going and the response... 'please don't mention smoking again for a while'... Guess I just have to be there and not push it.
Last night when I was in bed I was thinking back over these last 4 months and this journey that I've been on. Almost like seeing the 4 month flag on the horizon has made me pause and reflect. Its taken till now or at least this last week or two, to feel that I really just don't want to smoke anymore. And I get bouts of good humour that I haven't experienced in years. The first month was the worst... getting sick every night, feeling restless and cranky and crawling the walls to smoke. So many triggers. Now I look back at that and think why on earth would anyone in their right mind want to go back and repeat all that again. Just no way. I don't think I have the strength to get through it another time. Thankfully that has all stopped now. Im in bed most evenings by 9 and sleep right through till 7am.
When I started, money was the main incentive to quit. I was sick to death of living pay cheque to pay cheque. Now, while the money Ive saved is great, Im more focussed on the health benefits.. Breathing better, looking better, better mood, not cranky or depressed. I think cigarettes were depressing me and keeping me locked in a poor mental state. Now Im on the social media apps trying to meet new people and make new friends. I never had the energy or the motive to do that before. When I look back at myself this time last year... stopping at the shop every evening for a pack of smokes and 2 bottles of wine - what was I thinking... and we were in lockdown so the mental health took a bashing. Now, Im like a world away from that. I still drink but its not the same kind of drinking. And certainly not excessive like it was. So everything has gotten better.
At this stage now its just a matter of staying quit. I do get the odd urge/craving now and then but now I just laugh when that happens... in the first month they used to make me wanna have a cry or curl up in a bawl in bed.
This was hard... I wont sugar coat it. This forum really helped in ways I cant even find words to explain. It helps that everyone understands and you can read peoples stories and see that you're not alone.
Im still using the mist and my friend back home is going to start using it too. So Im still getting a small bit of nicotine but I know its only a small amount and it does help. And I love reading back over this thread to see where I was and how good I feel now.
Deciding to quit was one of the best things I've ever done for myself and Im really proud that I managed to commit to it this time. Its so true - the patches and the mist helped but it was me who had to decide that I just didn't want to smoke anymore and then to put the head down and just battle my way through each day, each hour, each minute at a time.
To anyone reading this starting out - my heart goes out to you. This is probably one of the hardest things you will ever try get through but the rewards on the other end when you finally break free are so worth it. You get your life back.
Music helps too... Im tempted to make a playlist and call it 'the no smoking vibe'.. Whitney Houstons 'Step by Step' and Tina Turner 'When the heartache is over' are two songs that helped me.
Forgot to mention while I was out yesterday at work I ran into the girl that gave me the cigarette on day 65. Hadnt spoken to her since then. The difference this time. I was able to stand and chat to her while she smoked and I didn't have any urges or desire to ask for one. I think I'm out of the dangerzone tunnel now. Onwards and upwards.
Ps: no idea why the font on this post was bolded.. computer glitch.
Last modified on 30 Mar 2022 05:09 by dublinguy