jene
14 posts
Registered:
21 Mar 2023
08 Jul 2023
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I am so frustrated and disappointed with myself. I had made it through ten weeks without smoking and then I fell back into my weekend routine again. The most frustrating part is knowing I am capable of more than this. I've been dealing with so much in my life lately, and I reached for the easiest and oldest thing.
I've been supporting my elderly parents as they transition in their lives - assisting them with looking for retirement housing, and supporting my older brother who's been struggling greatly with his mental and emotional health. I recognize that it's not even the surface things that crippled me, but everything they triggered - old trauma, old family history, and most of all - being in this new place within myself and my life where I am having to reorient myself as to where I am in all of this...and who I am now, with new roles and changes in my relationships with family.
I knew when I slipped that I was sinking into the mire again, and now it is so hard to get out. I don't want to say I feel hopeless...but I do. But mostly, I am just very frustrated and disappointed with myself.