08 Mar 2019
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Hello all and thank you for all your inspirational stories!
I am 57 and have been a regular smoker for 42 years. I always felt I was too weak to quit, but this has been my journey so far. Forgive the length of this.
22 months ago, I made the leap to smoking outside, and spent over 40 hours cleaning EVERYTHING in my apartment. I cut my smoking down from almost 30 cigarettes a day to 12 - 14, which is where I have been for the last year. I smoke on my balcony, and a few months ago, I started getting bees, wasps, moths and all sorts of bugs on my balcony, and I developed a bit of a phobia about going out there. Please don't laugh - I struggle with anxiety, so this was very real to me. Anyway, I felt I couldn't smoke outside, couldn't smoke inside, so smoking became a very stressful thing. Out of desperation, I had a few patches, which I used a few weeks ago, and still had about 5 cigarettes a day when I went out. Two weeks ago, I bought 28 - 21 mg patches, and some nicotine gum. It has now been just over 5 days of no smoking at all. I have never tried to quit, and this is the longest I have gone without a cigarette since I was 15.
I am struggling. Drinking water, chewing gum, sucking on cough drops, going for walks, wanting to eat all the time. I admire so many of you for your "quit plans" and following through on them. I have not planned to quit, and sort of fell "ass backwards" into this. I don't know what I am doing. I don't hate smoking, but hate many aspects of it, and simply would like NOT to feel I need it anymore.
I could use support. I feel like I am cheating by using the patch, since so many of you quit cold turkey. I am irritable, not sleeping well (even though I sleep badly regularly), at times feel hyper, feel depressed and could use any hints, tips or insight you may have to offer.
Again, thank you all so much for sharing - you are all an inspiration to me!