treepeo
832 posts
Registered:
29 Nov 2017
29 Dec 2018
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Thanks Renee,
How did I quit? I set a quit time frame (quit before the end of my Christmas vacation). I would not allow myself any excuses. I knew I had to get real and be prepared to suffer big time for a while. And I did suffer, that is for sure. But when I felt weak, I thought of my friend here, wimporswim. We decided to give this a go together, and I knew that no matter what, I had to stay strong for him, as he stayed strong for me.
I also kept reminding myself of all of the reasons why I wanted to quit. I focused on the guilt, shame and embarrassment I felt each time I lit up, and how I wanted all of those feelings to go away. I forced myself to acknowledge that my voice was getting weaker and weaker because I didn't have enough breath to speak at a normal volume. I remembered all of the times I got scared because my heart was beating out of my chest with almost no exertion at all. I saw stories on the news about children with cancer and how hard they were fighting to survive, and I told myself that I had no right to throw my life away when those poor innocent souls were bravely soldiering on, coping with a disease they did nothing to deserve. I thought of my great nieces and nephews, and how I wanted to not only be around for them, but to set a good example for them as well. And the list goes on.
We all have a ton of reasons why we want to quit. The thing is, we can no longer make any excuses. We have to make a commitment and get the job done. No matter what it takes.
The online support here was an absolute lifeline for me. It is so important to connect to other people who are going through the same things you are going through, without being judged or put down. To all of the quit coaches, and to the Canadian Cancer Society, I am forever in your debt. Thank you for giving me a new lease on life.