02 Jun 2018
01 Jun 2018
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Got addicted to nicotine 7+ years ago by smoking marijuana laced with tobacco. Quit doing those, but then started up on cigarettes. Quit cigarettes several times, didn't really develop a thorough addiction until the last 3 or 4 years. In those 3 or 4 years, I have substituted smoking with the lozenges, 2mg and 4mg, and have severely abused those over a time. I have stomach issues and they aggravate them.
Quit those things completely about 1.5 months ago for two weeks. Told myself during withdrawals that I'd never go through that again...but began bumming smokes off people for a dollar and pursuing them fiendishly, but only 1 or 2 a day. Then spiraled out of control (again) and usually with me, when one thing goes, the the rest goes. Meaning all my healthy habits dropped off, started drinking heavily again, fell into the hole.
Right now I haven't had a cig in 24 hours but am using the lozenges. I intend to stop using them completely within the next few days. What I have found is that NRT doesn't really work with my quit plan, because I end up abusing them. I am considering the patch, but am really determined to be completely clear of everything and not have the psychological relapse this time.
Look forward to reading everyone else's messages. I decided to sign up to this time (have before, when addiction wasn't so severe) because I really want to be done with these things, nicotine addiction in general. I find it impossible to have any self-respect or healthily maintain other aspects of my life when I'm smoking. I am very all or nothing like that.