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1. justfortoday

   

   168 posts
   Registered:
   12 Aug 2019
   19 Sep 2019

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   Last night I thought I was going to turn inside out from the psychological cravings and had a full on melt down. I was on my way to a Fibre Arts Guild meeting and there I was, driving on the 403, my sobbing interrupted by my screaming that four letter word (you know the one), at the top of my lungs. Arriving at my destination I wiped the mascara streaked down my face and managed to get through the meeting as it was a good distraction. But as soon as I got back in my car, the crazies were back.
   
   I got home and informed my husband (who is truly a saint), no, I don’t want to eat, no, I don’t want a hug, no, I don’t want to talk. All I wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry myself to sleep. As I lay in bed I prayed … I prayed to God, to Buddha, to my Higher Power, to my dad, to my grandmother … anyone floating up there who might be able to help me get through this.
   
   I felt zero improvement this morning and I decided to start smoking again. I would go to the variety store near my office and buy a pack of cigarettes. I would do it secretly so that I didn’t have to tell my husband, my children, my co-workers or any of you here that I was a smoker again. And then I did this …
   
   I went on the SHL site and read the amazing amount of support I have received so far. In one post atp told me “how to rock your quit” which made feel proud when I first read it, and so sad now as I was going to be a smoker again within an hour. I then told myself, “okay, you can go buy cigarettes, but before you do you have to spend a minimum of ten minutes looking at images on Google of people with mouth cancer and throat cancer”.
   
   That was enough. Everyone on this site has struggled and/or is struggling to be free. I’m not alone here! And to be honest, it took everything I had to remain looking at those horrific images for ten minutes (I think I only got through five or six minutes at best).
   I walked right passed the variety store. I did not buy cigarettes. I did not smoke. I don’t know how I’ll be tomorrow, but today? I got this.
2. renee, quitcoach

   

   117 posts
   Registered:
   16 Jul 2018
   19 Sep 2019 in reply to justfortoday

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   Hello justfortoday,
   
   I am sooooo proud of you for not giving in and not smoking! CONGRATUATIONS!!! Way to go!!!!
   
   Everything you are feeling is very normal and will pass, I promise:) My guess would be that you are having very strong withdrawals symptoms which are very normal and will pass. The 1st 3 days are the toughest. One way to look at withdrawals is that you are getting healthy and un addicted to nicotine. Also if you never smoke again, this will be the last time you will ever have to endure withdrawals!
   
   Are you using anything to help you quit like nicotine gum or patch? Those products can help make your quit more bearable.
   
   Please reach out here often, we are here for you!
   
   Renee  

   Last modified on 19 Sep 2019 13:05 by renee, quitcoach
3. atp

   

   501 posts
   Registered:
   31 Dec 2018
   19 Sep 2019 in reply to justfortoday

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   justfortoday,
   
   A massive thumbs up to you!
   
   At times the struggle is so hard, but it is your willpower that will carry you, and you had it in spades today! I bet your quit is now worth a lot more to you today than it was yesterday because you faced off against the addict and YOU prevailed. 
   
   One thing i really worked on early in my quit was looking for positives. I tried really hard to make it about something I am gaining, rather than something I am losing. Today you gained a new level of control over the nasty addiction of smoking. Yes it was hard to do it, but nothing easy is worth as much as those things we really need to work at. 
   
   Here's a positive thing to try - tomorrow when you get a chance try to go up a flight of stairs, but do it at a faster pace than you normally would. When you get to the top focus in on your breathing. I bet you will feel that your heart is not about to explode out of your chest like it would when you were smoking and that your lungs are not crying out for air as bad. 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
4. wimporswim

   

   68 posts
   Registered:
   29 Nov 2017
   19 Sep 2019 in reply to justfortoday

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   JFT - You chose not to smoke today!  And that's a good thing.  You got this.  Congratulations!
5. treepeo

   

   832 posts
   Registered:
   29 Nov 2017
   20 Sep 2019

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   Hi justfortoday,
   
   Wow, I am so proud of you!  The cravings got out of control, but you didn't give in.  You did all manner of things to resist, and you were triumphant.  Way to go!
   
6. atp

   

   501 posts
   Registered:
   31 Dec 2018
   24 Sep 2019 in reply to justfortoday

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   If my memory serves correct you are probably done your 3rd week smoke free. 
   
   As you get closer to that one month point reflect on how far you've come, think about how much your quit is now worth to you. I mean, at this point do you rally want to start all over and go through the crazies again? 
   
   You know as I got over my 3rd week, and it was a hard one, I really turned a corner and started to really look to the benefits of being smoke-free as I approached the one month mark. It starts to get so much better. 
   
   You're now learning how to be a non-smoker. A whole new lifestyle awaits you. Do something positive for yourself. Take up walking, bike riding, mountain climbing, whatever. 
   
   I was at the dentist today, my 3rd visit since i quit, and my teeth are getting whiter with each visit. I feel good about that. And that is another benefit of quitting I never considered. I hope you have lots of moments like that too. 
   
   
7. dublinguy

   

   379 posts
   Registered:
   09 Dec 2021
   24 Mar 2022

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   I think we can all relate to feeling the crazies... it really is horrible when the cravings and urges strike hard and you have to muster up every bit of strength you have to beat it back and not give in. That's why I used the patches and the mist this quit cos I recall going it cold turkey and the cravings were insane. Anything would set me off and obviously, I eventually caved. Sometimes now with the urges I feel like crying so I know what you mean (luckily I don't have the mascare problem) but like you I stop and pray to anyone listening up there to help me get through.. like my aunt who passed last year. And then after a few minutes Im ok again and thankful I didn't give in. I think these urges will always be there as long as people are smoking and we get the smell to remind us. I still like the smell of smoking but the stench of a smoker is really vile... its embarrassing to think that's what I always smelt like with my pack a day habit. Its hard work but quitting is worth it. Theres great gratification in thinking 'Ive done it.. Ive beaten the deamon in my head'.