14 May 2023
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I'm new here, I quit three days ago, but have not been entirely smoke free. It's challenging because I can't get away from smoke. It comes in my apatment door from my neighbours that smoke inside (I haven't smoked inside or in public for 20 years) and when I go for a walk there's lots of smokers outside. I know that eventually the smell will become repulsive, and honestly it is when it comes into my apartment but it's also not repulsive at the same time if that makes any sense. I have had tape all around my door and a towel underneath since I moved in 2 years ago, but it doesn't help. It doesn't keep the weed smoke out either which I find so repulsive that it makes me angry and then I use cigs as a way to escape. I've always been super self-conscious of how my smoking affects others, it's also one of the motivating factors of quitting. I detest making non-smokers around my balcony have to breathe it in or need to close their windows.
Anyway, I am using nic gum and it does help a bit. I have tried to quit dozens of times over the years. I got sober 2 1/2 years ago and cigarettes helped me through the alcohol cravings. In hindsight, I should have quit everything at once but I really used smoking as a crutch. Then it became "well I'm not drinking so that is the only thing that matters." Yes that really was the most important thing at that time. It's so weird though that I was able to get sober a lot easier than not smoking. Or maybe it was just as hard but time has softened the memories. But I'm using my sober tools to help with the quitting process. It's different though because my main reason to quit is I simply can't afford it anymore. My rent is now over $2500 a month and believe it or not this is one of the cheapest places in the city. But is this enough to make me quit? Is it enough to make me quit long term?